I don't believe there is a "right" way to grieve. For each person there is a time they need to heal. I really like what my friend Joyce said, "Time doesn't heal. Only God can heal." But what will you do with that "time"?
There are many moments I have thought to myself: "This has the potential to destroy me." I could stay in this grief forever. I could ponder, cry, let my imagination run wild with what could have been. All that we have done, accomplished, all that the Lord has brought us through could all be for not. Just to stay in this pain.
There is guilt for wanting to stay in that pain. There is guilt for desiring to move on.
And although my heart is broken, I am only bent. There is a Love that will sustain me. It is the only Love that possibly could in moments like these. It doesn't often rain in this area, but it rained all yesterday morning. I couldn't help but think that Heaven was crying with me.
But I cannot stay here. Not forever. I will allow myself what time I need. And I may have a good cry about this from time to time for many years to come. But I cannot stay here. There are 2 wonderful, precious lives that God has entrusted Josh and I with. Two boys that will know how loved they are.
There are too many wonderful things to do, too many people to tell about how amazing (and sustaining) my Jesus is. To see lives change under the power of the Holy Spirit. And I will have so many stories to tell our sweet child when I see her someday.
My flesh and my heart my fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.